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Kiran
Hi, I am Indo Canadian and 18 years old, I have lived in Canada for all my life and will be visiting India for the first time. I speak fluent punjabi and will be staying at my grandparents house there. Does anyone have any tips for my trip? Do I have to dress a certain way? Can i wear Canadian clothes (short shorts, tanktops, dresses) ? What can i expect while visiting a village in punjab? Is there anything i should avoid? All advice is appertiated, i am really nervous for this trip.
Answer
Do not wear tank tops, shorts, dresses to the village.
You might be able to get away with this in Delhi or Chandigarh, but I would get yourself measured in Canada at a suit tailor, and send your measurements to India ask your family to have some clothing made for you in your favorite colors. This way, you will have clothing ready for you when you arrive (it can take a week or two, depending on the season/holiday). In the mean time, nothing less than a Tshirt with sleeves (the longer the shirt and sleeves the better) or tunic and jeans/full length skirt.
If you are leaving soon, Punjab can be warm at noon, and very cold at night... and sometimes the houses feel cold, because of the concrete construction they are often not heated in the way we are used to in North America.
You may also find a good wool hat, gloves, and a cardigan (to wear over everything) will be useful in the Punjab winter. If you go for indian-style clothes, there is almost always a "dupatta" -- which is pretty useful in hot weather (for shade) and in cold weather (as a scarf)
As for the speaking fluent Punjabi, this will be helpful in getting around, and I suggest a lot of these modest clothing options because you will actually be able to understand the insults that could be said about you... Some foreigners (myself included) have the luxury of being language/slang ignorant, so its easy to ignore and continue on, unphased.
Other tips include: learn how to clean yourself in the bathroom without using toilet paper... do this at home, while you are in your safe/happy home, so that you can master it in the village. (Many toilets are "indian style" and are holes in the ground, with footpads to stand on!) One other tip about girls that these style toilets, is that our center of gravity isn't designed for this position... you can rectify this by wearing short - 1 inch,chunky-heel sandals... you will be able to squat with more balance and less fear of falling over backwards! (try it!)
You can expect there to be absolutely no nightlife. Unless this is a festival time, everyone goes home after dinner.
Boys and girls are not friends. You will see boys holding hands, they aren't gay... and making long eye contact, talking to a boy, as a friend, especially alone, may inspire comments, about your virginity, or propriety, because you aren't married to him -- This is something that has taken me a while to get used to... and I wish I could have more friends of any gender, but gets awkward, as things get left open to unexpected interpretation.
You can also expect your grandparents to be very warm, welcoming, feed you a lot, and the way they operate may be considered "strict" by your home standards.
Hopefully you will be able to make some friends while you are there (even though you won't stay out at night). A 18yr old girl who came through my program, really felt lonely, because friendship didn't look the way she was used to. Bring a hobby, book, game etc. You can also expect that life will move very very slowly. Take the time to enjoy the new pace, because it will take a cup of chai, and maybe 15 minutes of chat about life, the news or the weather, before you can ask... "so what about my visa/clothing/tailoring?"
The concept of "me time" doesn't exist. Privacy as we know it in the west, doesn't either. Doors open, you grandmother will know when you are sleeping and know when you are awake, as she is likely tuned in every sound in the neighborhood. (My Indian auntie knows the sound of my employee's car, and predicts his arrival!) Another example is that when I have been sick, and want to me miserable alone in my room, they want me to come out and be miserable with them! Being alone is one fear that many Indians highlight -- and they want to comfort you in a way that is familiar to them!
Other than that... the best advice I received about this kind of travel was given by a muslim woman who traveled all over countries where Muslims weren't welcomed, or women couldn't go by themselves... I asked her how she did it, and she said... "Go with god, and go." There are a lot of doors that were closed because I was a single woman traveling alone... but there were also many doors that were open. :-)
Good luck and have fun!!
How do you guys keep your worries and fears in check?
Marshawn
Lately I feel like my fears and worries are getting out of hand. Almost everyday you here about some conspiracy or some negative news that just gets my mind thinking what if this or what if that. The things I worry about are way out of my hands. These past couple of weeks I received some good advice that basically tells me that I shouldn't dwell on these things that are out of my hands. What I'm finding out that is these concerns tend to occupy my thoughts a lot. I focus so much on it that it feels like I'm missing out on life. Once I learn of these things I may forget about them occasionally but I won't forget them entirely. How do you guys keep your worries and concerns in check?
Answer
1. Learn solid facts. Most conspiracies are made-up, but you won't be able to convince yourself of this until you know more solid facts. Solid facts are found in textbooks and general info educational books at your library. "Facts" on the internet and in political/conspiracy/doomsday books are not so solid and are rarely facts at all. Most conspiracy theories are fabricated to make people like you worry so that you end up giving money to their cause, buying their books, etc.
2. Read the news less. Yes, it's a good idea to know who to vote for and when a hurricane is coming. But do you really need to know the gory details of every murder that happens? It may seem like crime is drastically on the rise when in fact crime is about the same it has always been. The internet is just making journalism much more far-reaching, so that you hear more about all the crime. A few minutes a day is all you really need to spend reading news to stay informed without being engrossed in all the world's crimes. Train yourself when reading news to skip over the stories that are straight crime/corruption stories.
3. Get out more. The world is not as evil and dangerous as the media makes it out to be. Go on a hike, join a sports team, go to a town hall meeting, join a community service organization. Being involved with real people in good causes will help you realize that most people are decent and don't have a secret agenda of manipulation. Also, whereas sitting on a computer looking at pictures of murders in India can make the horrors seem close and looming, going on a hike in a state forest can make you realize how distant and ineffectual they really are.
4. Look into religion/spirituality/meditation/personal introspection. When you find that your life has a purpose and an existence beyond blood and flesh, the woes of the physical world seem less daunting.
5. Do everything you can personally to alleviate the problems and prepare for them in the future. If you are prepared, you shall not fear. For example, if you worry about getting a flat tire and being stranded, get a spare tire, check it regularly, and learn how to change a tire. Then you won't be as worried about getting a flat. If you regularly back up your computer, you don't have to constantly fear your hard disc crashing. If you get good car insurance, you don't have to worry about denting up your new car because insurance will cover it.
6. Find someone/something to love. Perfect love casteth out all fear. Spend more time with friends, family, or even just pets. Go out of your way to do nice things for them.
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